Another Weird Cousin
by Flower princess11
Summary: The Shortman family dreads a visit from Arnie, Lila and their son, Arnie Jr.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hey Arnold or any of the characters. Hey Arnold is the property of Nickelodeon and Craig Bartlett.

* * *

 **Another Weird Cousin**

 _Hillwood_

 _2025_

 _Friday_

It was a typical afternoon in the town known as Hillwood. School has just let out and many children were out playing with their friends and socializing. One particular group of young fourth graders were at a place known as Gerald Field, playing baseball.

"Come on Andy, knock them dead..."Kiara cheered from second base while Andy went up to bat.

They were all just practicing their moves for an upcoming game they have against W.J and his fifth grade class, and while they have been undefeated for...like ever, they still had to make sure they don't get rusty. Like usual, their teams are divided and Andy, who serves as both the unofficial team captain and best batter, was up to bat once again.

Adam Berman, their pudgy classmate and friend was pitching since he had a great arm, but he is too busy trying to talk smack...again...

 _"Oooh,_ looky here...Andy's up to bat! _**HA HA!**_..."Adam laughed... " _Oooh,_ I'm so scared, I'm shaking in my sneakers..."He continued to laugh.

Andy ignored this and gripped his bat tighter, ready for anything. Adam just kept talking and talking...

 _"Oooh..._ Looking so tough with your bat, huh? HA! You couldn't hit even if I threw a _bowling ball_ at you!...'He laughed again, though he is getting on Andy's nerves.

"Just throw the ball, Adam before I get bored..."Andy ordered.

Adam smirked, winded up and then threw the ball as hard as he could. Andy saw this, narrowed his eyes and with one mighty swing, managed to hit the ball and send it flying out of Gerald Field, making it land in an alley across the street. Andy smirked and started running the rest of the bases and made it to home plate.

He won.

"Great hit, Andy...'Kiara complimented after he made it to home.

Before he could say anything, Courtney ran toward them with a coy look on her face.

"Yeah, you were simply _extraordinary...'_ Courtney said as she fluttered her eyelashes, which made Andy cringed a bit and Kiara to send her a dirty look.

"If we keep this up, we should be totally cream W.J and his goons during next week's game...'Keisha said in an impressed tone of voice.

"Duh, we'll cream them...we're just _that_ good...'Andy said, making his friends smile at that.

Before they could continue with another round, they saw an adult coming to the field, it's Andy's father, Mr. Arnold Shortman.

"Hey Andy...'He said.

"Hey dad, what's up?...'Andy asked, wondering why he is here...

"Did you come to watch us play?..."Freddy asked but Arnold shook his head.

"As much as I'd like to, I just came to get Andy..."Arnold said.

"What did I do?...'Andy asked.

"Nothing...that I know about, anyway..." Arnold said in a playful tone... "I just came to get you since we are expecting company today...remember that A.J and his family are coming over today...'Arnold said to his son, who smacked his forehead.

"Oh man, that's today...I forgot..."Andy said.

"Well come on...'Arnold said.

"But...But dad...me and my team still got to practice, we got this big game coming up against W.J's team and we need to go into overtime..."Andy said but his dad wouldn't budge.

"You can do that tomorrow, today we have family coming over...now I'm going to go get the car...'Arnold said as he left.

Once he was far enough, Andy let out a frustrated and disgusted groan of annoyance, which his friends noticed.

"Ugh! Why the heck do I got to be the one stuck with A.J?..."He bemoaned, which his friends noticed.

"Your cousin A.J is back?...'Kiara said in a somewhat sympathetic voice to her best friend.

 _"Second_ cousin..." Andy insisted in a dead tone of voice.

"Isn't he the one that collects rocks?..."Keisha asked with a raised eyebrow.

"And keeps a stupid pile of dirt in a sock, which he claims is suppose to be _"lucky"_ and is always the same stupid jokes over and over again...He's beyond annoying...'Andy said in exasperation.

A.J might be family but...but he's weird, not to mention really annoying. His parent's aren't that better either, his dad is really creepy and talks all quiet and even blinks one eye at a time, which really freaks Andy out sometimes, while his mom is almost always unnaturally happy and tries to hug and talk to him as if he was still three years old. It's beyond annoying but he knows that he is gonna be stuck being A.J's _"babysitter"_ during the remainder of their visit.

"Ouch! Sorry about that Andy..."Kiara said.

Before Andy could say anything else, he heard honking from a car and saw his dad's black Mazda pull up.

"ANDY! Come along...'They heard his dad call from the car and Andy groaned.

"I'll see ya later guys..."Andy said with a sigh as he grabbed his things and soon left.

Left to go deal with _A.J_ of all people...

* * *

 _Later_

 _At the Shortman residence_

Andy soon arrived home and saw Megan playing with her dolls, Henry is drooling over his toy keys and mom is doing some light dusting over some knick knacks as well.

"Hi Andy-kins, how was school today?...'Helga asked her oldest.

"Eh...Same old, same old..."He shrugged, though he looked around and was relieved that A.J and his weird parents aren't here yet.

"Lila, Arnie and A.J will be here soon, so go wash up..."Helga ordered and Andy made a face at that.

"Mom, dad...please don't make me hang out with him...A.J is a total weirdo..."Andy whined.

"Andrew...'Arnold chided, using his son's full name, which he rarely uses unless it was to reprimand him like right now.

Andy sent a look to his dad, who only sighed and tried to be patient with his son. Andy is usually very friendly and is pretty well behaved, but he didn't exactly try to hide the fact that he and his second cousin don't see eye to eye...

"Look son...I know that A.J and his side of the family can be a little...eccentric...but they are still family and I want you to try and make them feel welcome during their visit...'Arnold said, while Andy frowned but nodded none the less, since he knows that he won't be able to convince his folks otherwise.

Helga saw this and sent him a sympathetic look, personally understanding where he is coming from...

"It's only for today, baby...you can handle for that long..."Helga said in an encouraging way to her son who sighed once again.

"Fine...'He said as he wet to go wash up.

After that, he sat on the couch and decided to do some channel surfing until his weird cousin and his weird folks come by.

* * *

 _Outside_

A taxi suddenly pulled up to the driveway of the Shortman family home and out came a tall, pale, blonde football headed man wearing overalls with a plaid shirt underneath, a grizzly beard and a farm hat on his head and right next to him was a very attractive, slender red haired woman with green eyes and wearing a green dress that befitted a farmer's wife, which she is. Along with them was a young child as well. A little 9 year old with a wide, oblong head that was like the man's, blonde hair, but he has green eyes, freckles and a large smile as well on his face.

They are Lila and Arnie, with their only son Arnie Jr., otherwise known as A.J. They have come over to pay a visit to whom they consider their favorite relatives.

'Here we are, family...Oh, I am ever so excited to be here again..."Lila said in a happy voice.

"Me too, Ma..."A.J said in a strangely peppy kind of voice.

"Looks like Helga planted some new flowers...look, there are about 23 new daisies in two new bushes...'The monotone voice of Arnie said, while his family continued to smile.

"Come on..."Lila said as she lead her husband and son and they made it to the door.

Once their, Lila gingerly pressed the doorbell, to let her relatives know that she and her husband have arrive.

 _ **DING-DONG**_

The door soon opened to reveal Helga.

"Oh Helga, it's _ever so_ wonderful to see you again..."Lila said as she pulled the other woman into a suffocating hug.

"Hi Lila...'Helga said in an annoyed tone as she managed to free herself from the woman's tight grip.

"Hi Arnie..." Helga greeted to Arnold's cousin.

"Hey..."Arnie greeted in his usual flat way before Helga turned to their child.

"Hello, aunt Helga...'A.J said in a polite voice to the woman.

Helga tried not to sigh. For whatever reason, the kid had a habit of calling her _"aunt"_ or Arnold _"uncle",_ which Lila seemed to be okay with, never mind the fact that neither of them are siblings...thank goodness but Helga didn't want to be mean to the kid by telling him not to call her that since she knew he means well.

"Hello A.J, you've grown quite a bit since the last time I saw you..." Helga said, trying to be nice to the kid.

"Come on in, Arnold and the kids are inside...'She said as she allowed her relatives into her home.

Once they were in the living room, it was the standard _"meet and greet_ " so to speak. Lila and Arnie said hello to Arnold before they went to go _"dote"_ over the kids, with A.J still standing there in polite silence until he could do something.

Just like last time, they started with Andy, who had plastered on a fake grin on his face upon their arrival, though only because he didn't want to displease his parents.

"Oh Andy, look at how much you have grown..."Lila said as she pulled the child into a tight hug, which he didn't really like.

"Hi Lila..."Andy said with his fake grin, but he took a gasp of air after she finally released him.

"Hey kid..."Arnie said as he did his one-eye blink.

 _"He did it again.._.'Andy thought in dismay, finding his dad's cousin's habits to be a little too creepy but he kept the fake smile on his face for the sake of being polite.

"Hi Arnie..."Andy greeted as he shook his hand.

He was internally relieved when they soon turned their attention on the unsuspecting Megan and Henry, thus giving Andy a break from them...

"Oh Megan, you are becoming more and more adorable each time I see you..."Lila said as she hugged the little girl, who didn't like it one bit.

"You're _squishing_ me..."She whined, but Lila laughed, thinking she is making a joke.

"And I see you still have your mother's sense of humor..."Lila said as she released the child, who went to her mother.

Helga sent her daughter of sympathetic look, while Lila's turned her attention to baby Henry.

"Um, Lila...I think I should warn you...Henry is a little...shy...and he doesn't let just anyone hold him..."Helga said after Lila asked to hold him.

"Oh I'm not worried...I have a good way with children...'Lila said in a cheerful tone that secretly irritated Helga.

Helga reluctantly placed Henry in the red haired woman's arms and well-

 _ **"WAH**_!..."Henry started crying and screaming now, which suddenly surprised Lila by his loudness as he tried to reach back for his mother.

Helga saw this and pulled the child back in her arms.

"I'm sorry about that..."Helga said, though one couldn't tell if she was apologizing to Lila or Henry.

Soon enough Henry calmed down and is now happily giggling in his mother's arms, who is still cooing to him.

"Okay...It's okay, darling..."Helga said before she placed him in his play pen before turning back to her relatives.

"Like I said...he's not used to letting just anyone holding him..."Helga said with an awkward chuckle, though it was somewhat of a lie.

She couldn't explain it but Henry doesn't seem to mind when Phoebe, Pattie and even Rhonda held him, and he never cries in Stella or in Gertie's arms but in Lila's, he won't stop crying...the same could be said for Olga too. They were about the only two people her baby boy _isn't_ okay with being held. It really confused her at times...

"Oh that's okay...I know...A.J himself was a little shy too as an infant...'Lila said with her perky smile and Helga resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

She wasn't the only one since Andy witness this and tried not to groan. He was a little jealous over the fact that Henry could get away with his obvious dislike of his relatives and can't get in trouble for it and Megan can express her dislike and Lila would just think she is joking ( _though she will still get a scolding later if she doesn't cool it)_ because of the fact that he is the oldest child, he has to be the one to play nice and set an _example_ for his siblings.

Sometimes being the oldest can be a drag.

"It's great to see you again, Andy...'A.J said upon greeting his cousin.

"Hey A.J, you look well...'Andy said for the sake of being polite.

"Thanks..'The boy said in a peppy tone of voice.

Soon Lila came back with a big smile on her face.

'Anyway children, why don't you all go and play, we, grownups have a lot of catching up to do...'Lila said, speaking for everyone.

Helga sent an apologetic look to her son who sighed, nodded and decided to get this over with.

"Come on...'Andy said while A.J followed him.

Megan sent a look to her parents, wondering if this applies to her too, and the look on her dad's face told her that _"yes",_ it does. The little girl soon found herself following the two older boys, though she was a little jealous that Henry gets an out due to being a baby and thus, doesn't have to spend time with A.J.

 _"Lucky...'_ The little girl thought in a jealous tone as she watched her baby brother lazily sleep in the middle on his pen.

* * *

 _In Andy's room_

Andy, Megan and A.J soon made it to Andy's room in order to find something to do with their second cousin until it was dinner time. A.J was looking around it, with that annoyingly happy look on his face.

"Wow, you got five new posters since the last time I was here...'A.J said.

"Yes...I know..."Andy said, trying not to get too annoyed with his _"counting"_ hobby.

Suddenly he saw A.J pull out what looked to be a sock from his pocket, but Andy knew what it was from his last visit.

"Where can I put Lucky?..."A.J asked, referring to his sock filled with _"lucky"_ dirt.

Andy tried not to express his disgust and tried to keep himself from reacting. He settled for pointing in a random spot in his room, where his second cousin placed the really strange item. Once he was done, it was time to decide what they could do together.

"So, want to watch Evil Twins on WebFlicks?..." Andy asked, since it's his favorite horror series and despite being little, Megan likes them too, despite it being a PG movie, though she usually watches them when mom and dad weren't looking.

"Oh, I'm not allowed to watch those kinds of movies...Ma said their bad for kids...'A.J said with that annoying smile on his face.

Andy rolled his eyes and tried not to groan over that activity being shot down.

"How about video games?...'Andy suggested.

"Oh, I'm not allowed to play those...'He said again, with that irritating grin.

"TV?...'Megan suggested.

"Let me ask Ma, first...'A.J said as he left to go ask his mother for permition, all the while Andy and Megan shared a look.

"He has to _ask_ to watch TV?..." Megan said incredulously with her hands on her hips.

"Shush!...'Andy said, though he mentally agreed with her.

Soon A.J came back, nodding his head.

"Good news, Ma said that I can, but only half an hour...'A.J said.

Megan looked like she was about to say something but Andy stopped her, plastered another fake grin on his face. He turned on the TV in his room and tried to find a program that they can all watch together but it seems none of them can agree.

"I think _The Transmogrifers_ is on right now...'Andy suggested but Megan didn't want to watch that.

"No...No...Ms. Fluffy's Happy Valley!...'Megan said.

Andy frowned when she said that. _Ms. Fluffy's Happy Valley_ is a girly, little kids show that Megan loves. It's about a bunch of talking animals doing a lot of _"dumb"_ baby stuff as far as he is concern.

"No way! Besides it's not even on right now..."Andy said, causing Megan to pout at that before she tried to reach for the remote.

"Just let me look...'Megan said and Andy sighed before he handed her the remote.

Just like he guessed, her kiddie show isn't on right now and Megan looked upset before she handed it back in frustration.

"If you don't mind my asking, I think the theater hour is showing on public access right now..."A.J suggested.

Andy tried not to flinch, he absolutely _hates_ public access, none of the shows there are any fun but it seems A.J likes them.

Before they could start an argument, their dad walked in.

"How's everything in here?...'Arnold asked his kids.

"Just fine, dad...'Andy said, hoping to get this over with.

"We're trying to figure out what to watch on television, Uncle Arnold...'A.J said to the man.

"Yeah, the Transmografyers..."Andy said.

"No...Happy Land...'Megan said, since her first choice isn't available.

"Now kids, A.J is a guest now, why don't you all let him choose...'Arnold said, due to wanting the kid to feel welcomed.

Andy and Megan paled when their dad said this and A.J just kept smiling.

"I actually rather watch theater hour on public access...A.J said.

Andy and Megan sent a pleading look to their dad, to not make them do this but his expression didn't change.

 _"No fair..._ 'Andy thought in frustration as he was all but forced to hand the remote over to A.J, who flicked it to public access, who is doing a rendition on Hamlet..

"Okay, well have fun kids..."Arnold said before he left.

 _'How?.._.'Andy resisted the urge to say out loud while he and his sister were forced to watch this boring, cheap play on the most boring channel on television.

All for the sake of being _"hospitable"._

* * *

 _Later_

Dinner couldn't have come soon enough After being forced to watch about half an hour of bad acting on television, A.J started telling stories about how things are in his neighborhood and Andy, along with Megan had to keep fake smiles on their faces while he told stories about putting in a new lettuce patch on their farm, cleaning out chicken coops or having to give their mule a bath this last week.

After that, he had to start giving some of his infamous jokes that were basically just "oh, did you say tractor pull, I thought you said sheep's wool" and stuff like that. They were the kind of jokes that made Andy want to bash his head against the wall but he refrained, solely for the sake of being polite. Thankfully his dad came back to tell them that dinner is ready and Andy ran as fast as he could to his usual spot at the dinner table, though his mom set extra chairs out due to their guests.

Andy is sitting right between him and Megan, while Arnie and Lila were next to their parents, still chatting.

"My oh my Helga...I must say, this roast beef is utterly scrumptious...'Lila complimented.

"Thank you..."Helga said as she served the children their meals.

Soon everybody was eating and engaging in awkward, family small talk during the whole time...And A.J is being the most talkative once again...

"And then, the guy on TV actually flubbed his line, saying _"tubby"_ instead of " _to be_ "...'A.J said, making his mother laugh.

"Oh my, that is quite amusing, son...'Lila said in between her giggles while Arnie just continued to eat.

" _How much longer?..."_ Andy thought as he tried to focus on his dinner and filter out his weird _second_ cousin's words.

After what felt like forever, it was time for dessert and mom brought out one of her home made cherry pies. After eating that, they had to endure about another hour of socializing before A.J's dad decided that it was time to leave.

"Thanks ever so much for having us again, it was an ever so lovely day...'Lila said to Helga after giving her a hug.

"Anytime Lila...'Helga said sweetly to the red haired woman.

Lila soon went to go hug Andy and Megan, who grinned and bared it since they figured that it would soon be over. She tried to do the same to Henry but-

" _ **WAH**_!..."He started crying the moment the red haired woman picked him up and stopped when he was once again in Helga's arms.

"Sorry...he's just a... _really_ shy baby...'Helga said and Lila nodded.

If it bothered her, well she didn't showed it.

"It's been a nice visit, cousin..." A.J said to Andy.

"Glad you enjoyed yourself...'Andy said in a polite tone.

"Come on family, we got to get back before it gets too dark...'Arnie said.

"Oh you are right, dear... we have to wake up early to tend to the animals...'Lila said.

"See ya Arnold..." Arnie said in his monotone way as he one-eye blinked again.

"See ya Arnie.." Arnold said to his cousin and his family.

"Bye Bye everyone..." Lila said in a perky way.

"Bye..." Helga said.

Andy watched his cousin and his family get inside a taxi and he continued to wave until they were finally out of sight. Once they were gone, the little football headed boy let out a sigh of relief, happy that he managed get through the whole visit without cracking.

Before he could say anything, his parent's let out audible sighs of relief.

"Finally..."Arnold said.

"I didn't know how much more I could have taken of Lila's " _ever so'_ s:..."Helga said after she closed the door.

"Or Arnie talking about the amount of eggs all of his chickens laid this week...'Arnold groaned as he rubbed his temples.

Helga turned to both Andy and Megan with a smile, though the kids were a little confused by their attitude...until it sunk in that they were just as annoyed by A.J's parents as they were about A.J.

"I got to say you two, you did a good enough job...I know that A.J can be a little eccentric but believe me, he's _nothing_ compared to how his parent's used to be at his age...now that was annoying..."Helga said, though her husband sent her a look before he realized that she did have a point.

"Anyway, I know there were some close calls but you two did a good enough job making A.J feel welcome..." Arnold said, proud that his kids made an effort today.

Andy and Megan looked at each other in confusion. They had spent the whole afternoon basically trying not to rip their hair out, what with having fake smiles and listening to A.J's blabbing only because they didn't want to upset them...

"Uh...thanks dad...'A.J said.

"Now come along family...there's still some left over pie with our names on it..."Helga said, causing her kids to smile upon hearing that.

"For real?...'Andy exclaimed in excitement.

"For real...'Helga said as she pulled out her tasty dessert.

"Yay!..." Megan jumped around happily, since she absolutely loves her mother's home made pies.

Soon the family gathered around the table, eating the delicious pie and just savoring the fact that they managed to get through another visit with their annoying relatives with grace and tact.

* * *

 _In the taxi_

"Such a lovely visit, we really should try and come over more often. ..."Lila said.

"Whatever you say, dear..."Arnie said in his bored, monotone voice.

"Did you enjoy yourself, A.J?..."Lila asked her son.

"Yeah I did...Andy and Megan are nice, but they are a little weird. .."A.J said.

"What do you mean?..."Lila asked in confusion.

"Megan is always carrying her dolls everywhere and Andy only every talks about is sports , karate and stuff he and his friends have been up to...not to mention neither of them seem to know a lot on theater arts. ..."A.J said to his mom.

"Now Honey, that's not nice...not everybody likes the same things but that doesn't mean they are weird...they are good kids..."Lila said to her son.

"Okay, Ma. ..."A.J said as the taxi continue to rive them back home.

 _ **The End**_

* * *

 ** _:) Till next time beautiful people, remember to read and review :)_**


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